Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
