somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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