every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
