you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
