Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
