apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
