I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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