i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
