Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
sex in a hospital.. check
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize