Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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