How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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