I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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