You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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