Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
