I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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