Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
