i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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