i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize