come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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