thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
