loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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