Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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