Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
