I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
