So drunk its hurt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize