Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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