i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
