can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
