If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
