I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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