Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
