Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize