Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
