Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
