Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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