Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
