Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
