I don't think brook has ever known best
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
