Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
