One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just pee around me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
