Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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