im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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