i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
