heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
