last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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