im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
