I need help removing her.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
