I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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