We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
