I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to calm my uterus...
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