remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize