Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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