Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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