just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
