Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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