my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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