Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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