We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize