When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
