Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
