i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Two words: nipple clamps
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