I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
