my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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