DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i barfeds in our rink
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
