There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
