She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
