Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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