did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Define "chronic" masturbator.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
