hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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