so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
