I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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