There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize