I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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