Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
