so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pants are for mortals
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
