hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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