I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
