So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
