I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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