The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
