What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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