What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
