***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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