Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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