All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
