You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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