lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
