Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
